Do you have one too?

Anthony has just come to the adorable, yet sometimes embarrassing, realization that everyone has a belly-button. Perhaps it's my fault, as I took the liberty of giving an impromptu anatomy lesson earlier this week while he was eating lunch.

Anthony: *points to his belly button*

Me: "Yea Bud, that's a belly-button. Mommy has one too."

Anthony: *pulls up his shirt and points to his belly-button* "An-ny."

Anthony: *leans over and pulls up MY shirt and points* "Mama."

Me: "Yep, that's right!"

I thought it was cute.

However, this next incident occurred yesterday while we were entering the grocery store, Anthony in the shopping cart and me pushing him into the store.

Anthony: *pulls up his shirt and points to his belly-button* "An-ny."

(Can you guess what he did next?)

Anthony: *pulls up MY shirt and points* "Mama."

(Yep.)

I could have died. Who knows what other people thought. Luckily there weren't too many witnesses and the act of pulling up my shirt didn't expose anything too inappropriate, but still, c'mon - Mama enjoys her privacy.

Gotta love the insatiable yearning for knowledge!

Weight A Minute

DISCLAIMER: Before I even begin, let it be known that I am writing this post for Me, Myself, and I. Just them, nobody else. I need to self-reflect, contemplate my motivation, and refocus my efforts. I am not, I repeat not, writing this for sympathy and/or fishing for compliments. I just need to do this for myself.

Weight....more specifically, being overweight. It has been an issue I have struggled with for as long as I can remember. My self-esteem has suffered from it. My confidence, also, has suffered from it. And, although I feel ashamed admitting it, my self-worth has sometimes suffered from it too. I absolutely hate that a number on the scale has so much power over me, but it does. I have tried the whole "hiding the scale and not letting myself know how much I weigh until I weigh in at Weight Watchers every week" thing. That doesn't work. The scale always magically managed to reappear. And not only that, I am obsessive about getting on it every morning. It is annoying and I know it's not mentally healthy and I know that weight fluctuates drastically based on the time of day, what I eat, yadda yadda yadda. But it's a cold, hard fact that if I see a "good number" on the scale I'm in a better mood than if I see a "bad one." Mark hates it and I don't blame him. All I can say is, c'est la vie...at least for me.

Now, I admit that I'm not a big fat cow. I will even go as far as saying that some people may even look at me and think I'm not overweight. I will also give myself a pat on the back, as there was a time in my life that I was much heavier than I am now and through lots of hard work and dedication, managed to get rid of a lot of the weight and actually liked the way I looked. It didn't come easy and I am proud of myself for it. I am proud as hell. I genuinely acknowledge all of that.

And I think that is precisely why I have become obsessive-compulsive about my weight. Because I know what it feels like to be a much bigger person. A person that feels so isolated and so sad and so out of control. I know what it feels like to not be able to go out without wondering what other people are thinking and saying about you. I know what it feels like to be jealous of friends who are dating and have the confidence to go out and meet people. I know what it feels like to look in the mirror and start crying just because you don't like what you see. I know what it feels like to be fat. And I never want that for myself again. It doesn't matter what other people say about how much weight I've lost, how good I look, how impressed they are, etc. Granted, those things are nice to hear and obviously do good for my self-esteem. But deep down, I have to believe those things too. I'm not there yet. Close, but not at the finish line.

According to Weight Watchers (and my doctor - trust me, I tried getting out of the "ideal weight range" Weight Watchers gave me and my doc gave me the same estimate), my ideal goal weight should be about 25 pounds lighter than I am now. 25 pounds. That is nothing compared to what I've lost in the past. The lowest weight I ever remember being was 17 pounds away from that goal. But, that was pre-honeymoon and pre-pregnancy. Yea, you know how it goes.

But even during those periods of slight weight gain since hitting my lowest weight prior to my wedding, I have maintained a sense of diligence with regards to nutrition and exercise. I truly have maintained a different, healthier lifestyle since first starting Weight Watchers all those years ago. Although I put on a few pounds during our honeymoon (I mean, who wouldn't, given 2 1/2 weeks in Hawaii?!) I was okay with it and lost almost all of it shortly after coming home. I was "good" even during my pregnancy. One of my first thoughts shortly after becoming pregnant was, "Oh shit, Weight Watchers says I can't do their program if I'm pregnant. Now what?!" I felt lost and completely thrown to the dogs to figure it out on my own. I so didn't want to become "one of those girls" that used pregnancy as an excuse to eat. So I paid for a consult with a nutritionist, used her advice for what to eat, and continued to exercise regularly. I worked hard at staying healthy and I did well until the end of the 9 months when I was so freakin' huge (not to mention depressed from being on "house rest") that I honestly had trouble visualizing a cheeseburger and fries having any impact whatsoever on my weight. But again, you know how it goes...

So, 38 pounds heavier and baby in arms, I headed back to Weight Watchers when Anthony was about 4 weeks old. I dropped the first 30 pounds easily. And now, here I sit, at "post-honeymoon weight" trying to push past that magic number that I seem to continuously stumble over on my quest to the finish line. I have been stumbling for almost a year now. I should be happy and proud that I've been able to maintain a weight for that long. I am, but I'm not. For the first time ever, I feel like my goal is within reach now. For so long, it seemed unattainable. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, but I'm finding it really difficult to sprint towards it because "look at how far you've come, Dina. Just be happy with yourself. You look great." It's far to easy to become complacent on this journey, especially (for me) with a husband, a kid, such a supportive family, and a network of people that I can't seem to call "friends" unless they like drinking as much as I do. Oh wait, that's another post... But anyway, I digress.

I AM NOT A QUITTER. I will get to the finish line, but recognize that the journey will never truly be over. I will always have to be conscious about nutrition and exercise. And most importantly, I will have to learn to accept who I am for who I am. Once I hit my goal weight, I need to be happy with that and I'm pretty confident that I will be. I think the fact that it's really the only major thing in my life that I've started and haven't finished is what really bugs me. I think it's also because I now know what it feels like to like how you feel and I want that for myself again. I owe it to Anthony. I owe it to Mark. But most importantly, I owe it to myself. I want to set a good example for Anthony so that he doesn't grow up with the same insecurities that I still struggle with. I want to be a size 10. I want to die knowing that I did all that I could to lead a healthy life. Family medical history isn't in my favor, so I have to do all that I can. I want to sit in my Weight Watchers meeting and have people think to themselves, "Why is she here? She doesn't need to be here." I want all of that. And, I will have it...because I am not a quitter.

Once I get to my goal weight, it will go on my elite list of things that I am most proud of - ranked right up there with giving birth to my son and earning my Master's. None of it came/comes easy. But in the end, it is all worth it and I am a better person for it. I must keep that in mind.

How 'bout a random list?

* Yea, that post I was going to post today...not going to happen. I am too tired and totally not feeling like posting anything that requires a lot of thought. I know, I'm totally building this up, right? It really isn't that exciting. Just something that's been on my mind lately and I'm hoping that by writing about it, I will come to some sort of peace with myself and a new found motivation that I am desperately seeking.

* I spent all morning with my mom, taking her to the doctor, taking her to get prescriptions filled - she did something to her back yesterday and was diagnosed with sciatica this morning. Not fun. Feel better soon Mom!

* I love love love watching my siblings interact with Anthony, but there is something so differently special about watching my brother interact with him. Maybe it's because my dad didn't live long enough to meet Anthony, so Tarek is the only male in my immediate family that has that guy-guy relationship with him. Maybe it's because Tarek does such a good job of delicately balancing the compassion and the task of making sure Anthony is safe with the rough-housing and carefreeness that comes with being a boy. Whatever the reason, it melts my heart to see Tarek whisk Anthony away to do something (this morning it was giving him a "tour" of the doctor's office where he works and where we took Mom, coming back with cookie in hand)...and know in my heart of hearts that Tarek does those things because he genuinely wants to. He's so good at it. And it is so obvious that Anthony just adores him.

* I am really tired today.

* I am hoping that taking a nap at Grandma's house proves successful for Anthony this afternoon. As I type this, he is still jumping up and down in his pack-n-play upstairs.

* I am looking forward to going to the Improv tonight in D.C. with Mark for Date Night. Bring on the "2 drink minimum" - I need it today.

* I am hungry, but nothing sounds good for lunch. Does this happen to anyone else? It's really annoying.

* I am so psyched about the weather we're having today and the forecast for the entire Memorial Day weekend. Sunny, breezy, dry, 70s-80s. Perfect.

* I am very excited about all of our plans for this long weekend, which include 2 BBQs, a day at the wineries with friends on Sunday, & dinner out with good friends tomorrow night...without kiddos...and a FREE babysitter! And with all the gorgeous weather in the forecast, atleast 2 family bike rides around Arlington and D.C. Fun fun fun!!!

* I think Anthony is finally napping. So, I am going to go read my book and contemplate what to have for lunch.

Oh, and one more thing...

...Hillary needs to throw in the towel...yesterday. Seriously. That is all.

Yes, I'm still alive...

There is no good reason why I haven't posted a blog since last Wednesday. I blame it on lack of motivation. I actually did want to post an entry today on something that has been bugging me and planned on doing it during Anthony's nap time, but alas, time has gotten away (is it bad that I just typed "a way" and then looked at it like "hmmm, something doesn't look right?" Yikes!) from me.

Here are some fun pictures to bridge the gap between now and tomorrow, when I plan to write a more substantial post about what I was going to write about today. I know, the suspense is a killer, isn't it?! :) On to the pics...

Oh, so this THIS is what happens when Mommy thinks it's a good idea to use a Yo-Baby yogurt as a babysitter so she can furiously throw dinner together uninterrupted. And yes, I DID give him a spoon...


Yo, whaddup G?


Hmmmm, pink lip gloss and Coach... Note the already-applied lip gloss all over the upper lip area and hands. Needless to say, I think Daddy is still a bit traumatized...


Anthony and 3 of his favorite things: letters, kitchen pots & pans, and endlessly taking/putting things in and out of various receptacles.



And finally, my new haircut. I was ready for a change, wanted to want to wear my hair down more often, wanted something "cute," but easy to maintain, and wanted some of the length cut off, but still wanted the option of pulling it back into a ponytail. Yes folks, I gave my hairdresser all of those requirements and he rose to the occasion. I was inspired by many people I know who have recently cut off major chunks of hair (Rhonda had 10 INCHES taken off!) and have cute, summer hairdos to show for it. I succumbed to peer pressure, got 4 inches cut off...and I must say, I like what John came up with!

Just because...

...his legs and his undies that Auntie Rhonda sent him are SO DAMN CUTE!

And no, we aren't potty-training yet - these are solely in the name of "fashion." :)

Oh, the similarities!

So I hate to admit it, but there are 2 things I have in common with George Dubya Bush. Scary!

First, Anthony is quickly learning the letters of the alphabet. He has about 75% of them down. He loves pointing them out on signs while we're out and about and in his books when we're reading. He gets really excited about finding letters that he knows. So cute. However, there is one that is hands-down my favorite of all the letters in his current repertoire. That letter is W. If he really takes his time to pronounce it, it sounds like "double-ya," but almost all of the time, it comes out sounding like, "dub-ya." It is SO FREAKING FUNNY! Mark and I crack up every time he says it, which of course gets Anthony laughing and saying it more because he knows we can't contain ourselves when it comes out of his mouth. "Dub-ya! Hahahaha! Yea, dub-ya! Hahahaha! Yea! Yea!" You get the idea. I need to record it soon before that, too, is a fond memory of the past.

Second, Jenna Bush and her (now) husband tied the knot on Saturday, May 10th...which also happened to be Mark and I's (absolutely no clue on the proper grammar) 5th anniversary. We got married on May 10th, 2003. We celebrated by going to Williamsburg for the weekend and staying in a beautiful bed and breakfast, sans Anthony. Grandma was brave and kind enough to take him for the weekend so that Mark and I could celebrate alone. She even came to our house so we wouldn't have to drag all of Anthony's stuff down to her place. And the best part? She survived! It was so so so much appreciated. If you're reading this Mom, thanks again!

Anyway, it was a bit weird at first for Mark and I to get used to the fact that we were going to be away from home without Anthony for 2 whole nights. We have never done that since he's been born. I've gone away for the weekend and Mark's gone away for the weekend, but we've never gone away for the weekend together...alone. Needless to say, it didn't take too long for the weirdness to wear off, but I will say that it is amazing how your body clock changes once you have a kid. It's disgusting that "sleeping in" means that you wake up at 7:30am. Seriously. But anyway, I digress. The trip was amazing and so relaxing - mainly just due to the fact that we really got to concentrate on each other and spend quality time with each other without any interruptions. It was very special.

Thank you, my Marcus, for 5 great years. The road has not been smooth, especially in the last 2 years with losing 2 parents and becoming parents ourselves, but we are stronger for it all and there is nobody else I'd rather be on this journey with. I love you. Here's to the next 5+ more.

The weekend only got better once we left Williamsburg early Sunday morning, as we headed to my aunt's house in Maryland for a big Mother's Day BBQ, complete with Anthony, Mom, Gramma, and so many more amazing people I'm lucky to call family. I wouldn't have had my day any other way. It was perfect. The best part of the day was laying my hands on my little dude after not seeing him since Friday. The smile on his face and the way he kicked his legs when I picked him up was priceless. I missed him so much and, although I knew he was in good hands and had a great time with Grandma, I could tell that he missed me too. It was the best Mother's Day present...ever.

Good Night, Sleep Tight

It is 10:35pm and I should absolutely be in bed right now. Mark is. Anthony is. They both have been for a couple of hours now. Mark is catching up on some much-needed sleep since Dan was in town the last 3 nights and those two have a blast spending time together that it's just hard to call it a night, even on a school night. But, I digress...

I just wanted to take a minute to write this down. Fortunately Anthony's fever dissipated overnight last night. But, he still isn't himself. I took him to the pediatrician today, who said that he may just have a virus. His ears look fine, but his throat is really red. Negative strep test though, so I'm thankful for that. So we basically play the waiting game and hope that the fever doesn't return and that Anthony keeps getting better so he can properly enjoy life to the fullest like his normal self usually does.

In the meantime, we are enduring lots of crankiness and occasional episodes of waking up during the night, just wanting to be held. One of those episodes took place a couple of hours ago. As I went to scoop him up to sit and rock with him for a bit before putting him back down in his crib, he held onto my neck and asked, "Mama?" I replied, "Yes, sweet boy, Mama's here." He kept his arms around my neck, nuzzled into it, curled his knees into his chest, and fell asleep with in a matter of a minute or two.

Now, I know this may sound corny, but I actually got teary, just sitting there holding him. Right then I realized that I needed that moment with him just as much as he needed that moment with me. Thank you for indulging me, my sweet Budly.

I just hope you feel better soon. Mama loves you, sweet boy. Good night.

The Good, The Bad, & The Ugly

THE GOOD:
It is 10:45am and I have already been to the gym, showered, vacuumed the house, put away some laundry, and mowed the lawn. Now I can sit back, blog, and read my book. Which, by the way, is so good. I recommend The Audacity of Hope to everyone. I just started it last night, but am already really enjoying it.

THE BAD:
I was/am able to get all of this done because Anthony spiked a fever this morning and is currently napping, after getting a dose of Tylenol. Poor little dude. I could just tell something wasn't right. We were planning on going to the library this morning for a play date and for story time/singing, but I noticed he felt hot when I went to put his shoes on. That, plus he was literally just laying on the couch with his "meemee" (blankie), sucking his thumb while I was vacuuming. Very odd for him; he usually likes to "help." I decided to take his temperature and discovered that he was running a fever of 101.8. He was fine last night. I'm blaming it on the nursery at the gym. I took him yesterday morning and who knows what germs he undoubtedly put in his mouth. I hope he feels better after his nap. He is supposed to go to swim "class" this evening with Daddy and he loves swim class.

THE really UGLY:
My feet. They are green. And they are green because it is such a gorgeous day today - sunny, breezy, mid 60s right now - that I completely forgot to put my old "lawn mowing sneakers" on before I headed outside. Instead, I had my flip-flops on while I was mowing. Hey, at least I have a nice pedicure to go with it.

Oh and one last thing. I HATE pollen. Stuffy nose, itchy throat, really the only drawback to spring.

Chincoteague

This past weekend was a blast. Mark, Anthony, and I packed up the camper and drove down to Chincoteague - one of our favorite camping spots - to officially kick off spring/summer. Although I have genuinely enjoyed myself over the course of the last several weekends, they took a lot of energy out of me (physically, mentally, and emotionally) so it was so incredibly nice to get away and relax...just the three of us...our little family.

We always have a good time in Chincoteague. It is so laid-back there and provides a much-needed respite from the daily hubbub we get at home. And, it gives us the opportunity to spend quality time together. No phones (okay, so cell phones do work there), no email (okay, so I'm guilty of checking my email via my phone), no television. And the best part - so not commercial. The weather was perfect; it only rained Saturday night when we slept and was sunny in the morning. We got to go to the beach, go on a nice long bike ride, take Anthony to the camp playground, drink beer around the campfire after Anthony went to bed, and just enjoy each others' company.

I will let the pictures tell the story of our weekend, but there's one conversation that took place while we were on our bike ride Saturday morning that I feel the need to record for posterity's sake.

Mark: Awesome, did you see the pair of cardinals over there?
Dina: No.
Mark: They're probably about to do it.

Yes folks, that coming from my (almost) 36-year old husband. I almost fell off my bike laughing. Maybe it's the way he said it or the fact that I totally wasn't expecting that sort of comment, but it was so freakin' funny!

Okay, now on to the pictures. And no, it is not an optical illusion, my friends. Part of Anthony's right eyebrow is indeed missing in the last picture. Long story, but the short version: he put a gash in his eyebrow, got it patched up with Dermabond, Dermabond fell off taking Anthony's eyebrow with it. Side note: since we got back yesterday evening, the rest of the Dermabond has come off...you guessed it...taking the rest of the left side of his eyebrow. Gotta love little boys.

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.

I know I haven't blogged in a while, mainly because I've just been too lazy or have been caught up with finishing my book, cooking dinner, taking Anthony here and there, drinking wine with my hubby on the weekend while the little one naps, grocery shopping...you get the idea.

But, something happened yesterday evening that made me stop and say to myself, "You have GOT to jot things like this down. They are the moments that made you want to start this blog; moments that you'll want to remember forever."

So here I am.

And here is what unfolded yesterday that motivated me to post this blog today. I was getting ready to head out to my yoga class (which I'm L-O-V-I-N-G, LOVING!) while Anthony was sitting at the table with Mark eating yogurt before heading up to bed. As I grabbed my keys, the sweetest little voice piped up and said, "Bu-bye Mama." I looked over at Anthony, yogurt literally dripping off his chin, and he was waving with a smile on his face. I died. Seriously. Life simply doesn't get any sweeter, my friends.

And so, in that moment I realized that it is "little" things like that that I take for granted and sometimes don't appreciate in the moment because of that crazy thing called LIFE that demands attention all the time. These little things though are life and I never want to forget them.

Here are a few more:

Anthony's speech and vocabulary is exploding. As his parent, it is so fun and exciting to watch. He is currently obsessed (and that is a mere understatement) with any mode of transportation. Buses ("bis"), cars ("broom broom"), trains ("cho cho"), Metro ("cho cho"), airplanes ("eemee"), trucks ("tus") - you name it, he flips out when he sees it. Who knew that at 30 years old, you could get that excited about spotting an airplane in the sky? Or waiting in anticipation like it's Christmas Eve for the next Metro to roll by the playground? Not me. But I tell you, I get excited because I know how excited it makes him.

To Anthony, all kids are "bee bees" (i.e., babies). It doesn't matter the true age of the child. Example: As we were driving to the store the other day, we had to wait for a group of kids to cross the road, as the middle school had just dismissed. When Anthony saw them, he waved at them from his car seat and said, "Bye bee bees. Bye bee bees." PLG. Not sure when he's going to get the memo that once kids reach a certain age, they're not "bee bees" anymore. I'm trying. But in the meantime, I quietly smile at the innocence.

Anthony adores books and adores reading. It is not uncommon to find him sitting in the middle of the floor reading for a good 15-20 minutes...alone. For those of you with kids, you know that doing any one thing for 15-20 minutes when you're 19 months old is practically unheard of. It is so fun to snoop on him when he's doing this though, as he remembers how Mark or I reads the story to him and tries to retell it. The funniest part about the whole situation is that he'll immediately flip to the one page that he knows how to "read" and go crazy with it. For example, on the last page in Chicka Chicka Boom Boom, all of the letters fall out of the coconut tree because they get too heavy for the tree to hold. When I read this story to him and we get to this part, I always say, "Oh no! All of the letters fell down! Chicka chicka boom boom!" So when Anthony reads this book alone, he picks up the book, turns to the last page, and declares, "OH NO!!!! OH NO!!! OH NO!!!" Then it's on to the next book. Makes me laugh!

And last, but certainly not least, some of the most precious moments that I forever want ingrained in my mind are those that I observe when Mark and Anthony interact together. The light in Mark's eyes when they are together is not one that I can describe. It touches my heart in such a way that nothing else has. Suffice it to say that I feel like the luckiest girl on the planet to have these two guys in my life. I love them both so much.