It's all happening too fast...

Sometimes I have moments where I catch myself watching Anthony from a distance and thinking, "Wow, this is amazing. HE is amazing." I am blown away with how fast he's growing, all that he's learning, and that I had/have a hand in all of it. If I didn't, he wouldn't be here. And knowing that is something that I don't think I'll ever be able to fully wrap my mind around. It's too big for me. But I am thankful for it nonetheless.

I can't believe that in a short 2 months, my "little" Budly will be turning 2. In some ways, I still think of him as my baby - that will probably never change. But then I'll see him against a true baby and am honestly shocked at how much bigger, older, developed, etc. he is than the real baby. Let's just say that it puts things into perspective.

And I have to admit, I get a little sad. Don't get me wrong, watching him learn and grow is something that is so exciting and fun for me that I can't even put it into words. But knowing that each day brings him a greater sense of independence makes me realize that he's going to need me less and less. It's already happening. And I know that's normal and the rational part of me encourages it. But I also can't help but feel a bit sad.

So what makes me come out with all this at this point in time, you may ask? At Music class this morning, I had one of those moments where I caught myself watching Anthony from afar. I was sitting in the outer circle and he was sitting inside the circle, playing his sticks with the rest of his class. I watched as he intently studied what Miss Brieanne (yes, that's how she really spells it - makes you hungry, no?) did with the sticks and then tried doing the same thing. I watched him interact with his peers, never once looking to me. I was so proud of him. And I was so happy for him. But, I have never been that acutely aware that I was merely a bystander. In that moment, I caught my first glimpse of what it's going to be like for him, and me, when he goes to school and doesn't have me around 24/7. He'll do fine. Me...well, I'm not so sure... But, that's several years down the road.

Thank goodness.

*sniff*